The show must go on
by IAmSkyE
Summary: When 'Grey's Anatomy' killed Derek Shepherd, the hearts of millions broke. Here's my take on where he went, what happens next and where we all go from here. As the show has taught us, death is not always the end. This is my first ever fanfic and this only the beginning. New chapters COMING SOON...


A car.

A truck.

And then darkness.

So much darkness. And god, his head hurt. He knew there was something he needed to remember, was sure there was something he needed to do, but the actual memories of both were just out of his grasp. He tried to open his eyes but they refused to budge. Some part of his mind recalled that this was a natural response to pain, to trauma – _if I can't see what's happening, then it isn't real_. Okay, he thought, just breath. He tried to feel around him, tried to work out where he was, but he couldn't get his body to move. He wasn't the type of person to panic but all of this was starting to feel just a little too much.

"Derek?"

He knew that voice. He knew it belonged to somebody important. Suddenly, the need to remember overwhelmed him. _One step at a time, what's the last thing you remember?_ The car, he knew there'd been a car. He remembered the sound of the tyres screeching across the tarmac, the smell of the rubber burning his nostrils. Then he was outside and there was the sound of crying, calls for help. _No, no that isn't right, that's not what you need to remember._ If only his brain would shut up, just for one second, he knew he'd be able to work it out.

"Derek, you need to open your eyes!"

 _Okay, okay._ He'd ended up out of the car and then there'd been other people. He remembered helping. He'd wrapped the cling film around her waist and hoped that it would be enough. Then he was back in the car and there was the truck. _Yes, the truck, and then what?_ Then flashing lights and blinding pain. He remembered thinking that there was something they were missing, asking himself how they could be so stupid. He needed to get back to her and they were taking too long, he'd been running out of time. _Time. There is no more time._

"For God's sake Derek, stop being such an ass. Open your eyes"

Her voice. After the time had run out he remembered hearing her voice. He'd been so tired, and everything hurt so much, and she'd told him it was okay, that he could go. She always made everything okay. What was it he'd told her? _She was like coming up for fresh air_. It was all starting to fall into place and it was only making the pain in his head worse. He should have been able to fix it, he couldn't leave her behind, not like this. _Meredith!_ He remembered now. There'd been a crash and he's stopped to help. Everything was okay, he was a surgeon and everyone was going to be okay. So he'd gotten back into the car and then he'd seen the truck and there had been nothing but overwhelming darkness.

"Derek, just open your eyes".

He knew he needed to get back to her. He'd promised her a ferry boat ride and he didn't plan on breaking any more promises. Now, he just needed to open his eyes and it'd all be okay. _Take a deep breath and the go._ He squeezed them shut, drew in as much oxygen into his lungs as he could take and then...open.

Blinding, awful whiteness replaced the darkness he'd started growing accustomed to and his head spun. It was like opening his eyes had invited all of his other senses into play and every single inch of him hurt. _You were in a car crash, Derek, you should be feeling pain._ The lorry. His head. Okay, so the pain was good, he knew that – pain meant he was still alive. Somewhere deep inside him he knew that that wasn't right though, that he was still forgetting something.

"God, he really did hit his head didn't he! Say something Derek".

Meredith. If he could just turn his head and see her face, he was sure that everything would be okay. Pulling together every last bit of strength he had within him, he clenched his fists, preparing himself, and inched his head to the right.

 _Sloane._

No, no, that wasn't right.

It should be Meredith.

He had to get back to Meredith.

But that voice, it hadn't been hers. It was too deep, far too smooth. His eyes darted around, taking in the stark whiteness surrounding him. There were no machines, this wasn't the hospital. _But then, that meant?_ He looked into the other man's eyes and took a deep breath as it all begun to sunk in. Then he saw Sloane give him the look that they'd all given so many times before, _We're so sorry, we did everything we could, but I'm afraid it's not good news,_ and he knew.

 _Oh God, Meredith._

He took one last deep breath, then opened his mouth and with a catch in his voice that was somewhere between laughter and tears, he whispered "whose smart idea was it to send you to heaven?"


End file.
